Lyrics
by Ms.Stylinson-Mentalista
Summary: Four years ago, Harry Styles fell in love, and was rejected upon confession. How is he supposed to put his past behind him when he has to face it every day? Larry Stylinson This is work in progress. All kinds of comments/ideas are welcome
1. Clouds

**A.N. Hope you like this...comment/vote if you do! :) Let me know if future chapters will be accepted...**

H.S. POV

Present Day

We were just wrapping up rehearsals for the last show of our OTRA tour. Singing is something I have always had in my blood. But performing like this...it was something I never even dreamed of. And the best part of it all was that I was in it with my best friends.

My eyes sought them out amidst the chaos of our make-up room. Zayn was on the sofa, sketch pad in hand, putting all his imagination down through pencil strokes. Niall was running around with a bag of chips, with Louis in hot pursuit. And poor Liam was following them as well, trying to clean up the chip trail they were leaving.

Seeing them like this put a smile on my face instantly. I love my friends. But was that reason enough to be alive anymore? I ran a hand through my hair, sighing,which caught Liam's attention. Nothing ever escaped his attention. I admired him for that. For being strong and mature enough for all of us.

"Are you alright mate? You look exhausted. I think a nap would make you feel better"

"Yeah, that's just what I need now. I'll be in the bus if anyone needs me okay?"

"Okay, Harry. Sleep well"

I walked out of the room and towards our bus. I loved our tour bus. It was so huge, it almost felt like a small apartment. We all had a key to it, so I just snuck in quietly and dropped onto the nearest bunk. I closed my eyes and resumed my thinking.

 _I love my friends. But was that reason enough to be alive anymore?_

Honestly, I didn't know. What I did know was that life as I knew it had slowly slipped away from me, the fame and attention making it hard for me to notice the difference at first. But lately, I was beginning to see what it was doing to me. What it was doing to my friends. It was a one in a million chance if you got to see them genuinely having fun, fooling around or even smiling. They were way better at handling it all. I was like an open book.

When I saw our WWA concert movie, I was not surprised to find myself staring at a stranger. A stranger who seemed very angry, with a frown on his face.

I heard someone getting on to the bus. Instantly, I felt frustrated. Can I not have one minute to be alone?

A relatively short figure came towards me.

"Hey, um...Liam asked me to check on you. Were you sick or something?"

I could make out his features in the dark. The blue, blue eyes. The soft lips that taste like sunlight. The boy that I...

"No. I'm not sick. For God's sake just leave me alone!"

I regretted the words immediately. But I dare not show it. I could make out the hurt that crossed his face for a few seconds.

"Oh. Okay."

He doesn't leave. He just stares at me.

"What do you want now?", I snapped.

"Well, I came here to rest a bit too. Is...is that okay?"

I could feel my anger melt away a little. At least I was not the only one in need of a break.

"Oh. Um..yeah, I guess. Lock the door behind you, will you?"

"Okay. Thanks."

I snuggled back under the covers. I heard the key turn, then footsteps, and a 'plop!' as Louis fell onto the bed across mine.

So much for some time alone.

"Harry?"

What the hell does he want NOW?

"What?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I could feel my chest fill with warmth instantly. Hmph. So he does care. But why? Why now?

Four years ago

It was the beginning of the year, and it was our day off. Louis & I were the best of friends since the beginning, sticking together like the two sides of an Oreo. We lived together, ate together & slept together. Our fans loved the bromance. We were inseparable, or so we thought. Louis was always cheeky, but always had a soft spot for me. He never took a joke too far if I seemed uncomfortable. He was always around, a shoulder to cry on. And since the beginning, maybe it was the crazed hormones or whatever, he was my whole world. He was my idol, my role model, and slowly became my love.

Then one day, we were at our place, snuggled on a couch in front of the TV. He had his arms around me, as always, a blanket enclosing us in our own little world.

He was staring at the TV, and I was staring at him. I knew I should be patient, 'cause I didn't know whether he would accept me or not. But I took the risk anyway.

Slowly, I took his face in mine, making him turn towards me.

"Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I..."

I couldn't take it anymore. I just leaned in and kissed him. Electricity was buzzing through my whole body, as my heart's desire was fulfilled. And the best part of it all, after a few agonizing seconds, he started to kiss me back. I could feel his hand in my hair, softly massaging my scalp, as I broke away and started to brush my lips along his jaw, slowly trailing down his neck.

But something was wrong. I could feel him go rigid, and his hand came away from my hair.

I leaned back to look at his face. It was blank.

"What are you doing, Harry?"

I could feel hotness creeping up my neck.

"Um...kissing..?"

"And why the hell did you want to do it with me?"

"Because I.."

"I don't care why, Harry! What is wrong with you? Do you even know the consequences if somebody found out?!"

Now I was angry.

"Then why the hell did you kiss me back? You seemed to enjoy it as much as I did!"

"Yeah, well, it was out of pity, okay?"

That was it. He got up & left, and only came back three days later to get his stuff.

"I'm moving out".

I could feel my heart crack. But I did not show it.

" ".

Just like that, it was over. Somebody separated the two sides of the cookie and licked off the cream.

Present Day

"I have nothing to tell, okay? If you came here to sleep, then go to sleep".

I knew I was a bit too rude, but I couldn't help it. It was the first time in ages the two of us were alone.

And it scared me to death. Ofcourse, he would've forgotten all about that fateful day, what with all the girlfriends he had. I mean, I'd had girlfriends too, on request from management, but he actually took them seriously, being with one person for so long, probably falling in love with them as well.

I could hear him turning around, probably to face the wall. But then he spoke.

"Sleep well, Haz".

Tears sprung to my eyes at the familiar nickname. But I fought them back.

"Yeah, whatever".

 _Someday,_  
 _You're gonna see the things that I see_  
 _You're gonna want the air that I breathe_  
 _You're gonna wish you never left me..._


	2. I Wish

**A. a review for me :)**

L.T. POV

I turned towards him, only to find him facing away.

 _"Sleep well, Haz"._ It was the only piece of comfort I could offer.

 _"Yeah, whatever"_

Of course, it was bluntly rejected. Not that I wasn't to blame for him feeling this way. In fact, I was the only one to blame. If I I'd been strong enough, just for that one day, none of this would've ever happened.

I took in his sleeping form. It was exactly the same as when I first met him. He would lie straight for a while, like a proper adult. But as he went in deeper, he would loosen up, knees slowly drawn towards his chest, arms folding closer towards his body.

I smiled at the familiarity. He had grown so much, physically and mentally. He definitely was not the boy I knew, the boy whose heart I ripped to pieces. This was a whole new person, stronger, and darker.

I sighed to myself. I focused on the sleeping boy. His breathing was deep, which meant a bomb going off wouldn't wake him now. Liam had asked me to check on him, and if I don't have any real update, he would probably strangle me. So I slipped of the bunk and padded towards Harry's.

It was nerve-wrecking, to say the least, being together like this, after all those years.

I slowly reached out and touched his arm. He didn't stir. Okay, I could do this.

First, I checked his pulse. It was slow, just enough to keep him alive as he dreamt.

Then I put my hand to his forehead to check for fever. He was hot. Literally.

I sighed. Liam was gonna freak out. I had to do something. I looked around our bus and found some face towels. Getting down a bowl from the pantry, I filled it with cold water and added some baby cologne, courtesy of Niall's shelf. That boy was a sucker for sweet scents.

I took it all back to the bunk, and lay them down on a small table. I dipped the towel in the solution, wrung it out, and slow as ever, started to dab Harry's forehead with it. I could see him flinch immediately at its coldness, but then seemed to relax. It didn't seem to bother him much, so I continued for a while, my hand switching to auto pilot and my mind wandering off.

Four years ago

"Louis, do you have a moment?" It was our manager. I was never called in for private meetings with the board. Well, today is my lucky day. I even texted Harry.

 _Just got called in for a PM with The People. Have any idea what it might be about?_

 _Nope. Might be about the album. Text me when you get home. :)_

 _Okay xx_

"Hello, Louis" It was Simon, in his all-business mood, with the othe board members, sitting at a conference table in room 13. All poker faces. It was definitely intimidating.

"Hey"

"So, do you know what this is about?"

"Er, no, not exactly".

"Well, this", he said, pointing to a screen, "is what it's all about".

I was stunned. A million pictures flashed before my eyes, all of them featuring Harry & I. Our first picture together, all our hugs, our private convos, all laid out for everyone to see.

"Can you tell me the meaning of this, Louis?"

"I.."

He cut me off.

"Because I have looked at these a million times now, and all I see are two boys who are practically salivating over each other. And that, or anything else even remotely related to this", he said, pointing to a picture where Harry was looking at me, "is not going to happen. Are we clear, Tomlinson?"

"But I.."

"I said", he stood up, towering over me. "are we clear?"

I swallowed, looking down. "Yes, sir".

He sat back down. "Good. Oh, and I think knowing that your position in the band and your freedom of communication with Styles are at stake will be a constant reminder of this...agreement", he smiled. It took little imagination to conjure up the pitchfork and horns that were invisible. "We are done. Off you go".

I was struggling to keep my composure till I got out of that stupid room. As soon as I was out, the tears streamed down my face. I could feel my hands trying to rip out my hair. I could not care less about _my position in the band_. But being with my friends and Harry? That, I could not give up for the world. Whatever I did now would make Harry hate me forever, but at least I got to see him, to work with him. I just had to control myself around him. Which was damn hard, considering the fact that I was falling in love with him.

He was so innocent, with his wonderful curls and charming personality. He was hurt so quickly, and I loved his fragility. It was a constant reminder for me to have boundries when I was playing tricks on people, or annoying them, just for fun. He was like a little bird, and I loved taking care of him, though he was the one doing all the real work. Cooking, washing, cleaning, you name it, and Harry was the one who did it at our apartment.

When he kissed me, it was like I had found the meaning of life.

And then, along came the spider, and frightened Harry Styles away from me for the rest of my life.

Present Day

'Splosh!'

The saturated towel fell from my hand and into the bowl, splashing water everywhere.

The front of my shirt was soaked, and from the slight whimper I heard, so was Harry.

"Hey, shh, it's alright". I quickly put my hand to his forhead, to calm him down and to check his temp. I sighed in relief as I felt Harry's familiar warmth seep into my fingers. He sat up.

"What the-? What do you think you're doing?"

"I was just-"

"Why the hell were you touching me?!". The disgust was clear in his tone.

I was stunned. The anger in those beautiful green eyes was too much for me. I turned away, feeling the sting at the corners of my eyes.

"You were having a bloody fever", I mumbled, "I was just trying to break it".

I got out of the bus and started back towards the others.

I closed my eyes and wished.

 _If only time could just turn back_  
 _'Cause I got three little words_  
 _That I've always been dying to tell you..._


	3. Moments

H.S. POV

 _The figure was blurring, moving away, into the distance._

 _"Don't leave me!Please!" I can feel myself crying out, the burn in my throat. But no sound comes out._

 _The figure moves further. His head turns, and all I can see are two blue flashes before he rushes toward me with a knife._

 _"Noooooo!"_

I woke up with a start, drenched in sweat and reeking of...baby cologne?

A bowl lies on the bedside table, with a cloth in it. _What th-_

"Oh". The scenes rush back to me. I close my eyes as I dwell on the complication I had brought upon myself. I'm sure if I had been awake, it would have gone better. Too late now.

I look out the window, and see that we were moving. Probably going back to our hotel. All the other bunks are now occupied, holding four very tired boys. I looked across the aisle to find strands of black hair peeking out from under the sheets.

Ah. So he doesn't even want to be near me. _Good._ That's what I wanted, right?

I got up and walked towards the pantry near the back window, passing the smallest boy on the last bed. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

An infinite line of cars and vans and trucks were following us, each of them eager to get to their destination. Most of them must be going home. To get away, even for a while, from the day's chaos. To fulfill their need for genuine happiness, the kind that money can never buy.

 _I had a place like that once._ I shook my head clear. _Once. Only in my head._

 _He doesn't need you. He said it so himself._

This was ridiculous. I was fighting my own conscience...and for what?

 _But you love him, don't you?_

 _LoveD. Past tense. I'm not sure I even like him now._

 _Hm, really? Then how do you explain those photos you have tucked away in your journal? The pages filled with the snippets of conversation you have with him, written down, word for word?How do you explai-_

 _Shit!_

I was thrown back as the brakes screeched, followed by an ear splitting crash. My head hit an overhead cupboard, and the world went black.

 _"..21 year old male, direct trauma to head, possible skull fracture..."_

 _"..blonde young man, leg fractures in two places..."_

 _"...2 other casualties with minor injuries..."_

 _"...the smallest one remains unresponsive..."_

 _I am floating...soft, light, like a feather. Up, up, towards clouds. Something big is chasing me, trying to take me down...I fly...past the clouds, and I'm falling, falling, into water. But the water isn't burns._

My body is on fire.

"Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh! Make it stop! It hurts! It hurts so bad!.."

I hear a smooth, calming voice. _"Shhh, it's alright"._

I calm down, as the pain subsides, overtaken by a warmth spreading through my arm to the rest of my body.

I wake up to an annoying beeping noise. Which, I found out by taking a quick look around me, was indicating that I'm still alive. I had wires emerging from my chest, connecting me to the beeping thingy, a bandage around my head and an insanely huge headache.

I fumbled around for the call button, and then turned my attention towards the small TV fixed on the side of the room.

Pictures of our tour bus were shown, blown in from the side and the front. The bold letters staring at me underneath it said COLOURLIGHT MALFUNCTION ON HIGHWAY.

Huh. So that's what happened. I remembered waking up and then staring out a window, then, nothing.

"Mr. Styles?" A young woman in uniform poked her head in.

"Yeah". Ugh. I sounded like an old man.

She smiled hugely and let herself in. After checking on the beepy machine, The Smile looked at me.

"How are you feeling now?'

"Um..I have a headache. Other than that, pretty normal".

"Okay", she reached into her pocket and pulled out a card of tablets. "Take two of these, every six hours. The headache will be gone in no time. You're lucky you don't have any fractures. Just a few cuts and bruises". She turned to go, but I had to ask her one more thing.

"Wait". She stopped, The Smile returning immediately. "Is...er...Is Louis okay?"

"Louis Tomlinson?"

I nodded. The Smile disappeared. "Well, he seems okay now, though he suffered heamorrhage and he has been out for a while now. Doctor says if it continues for another six hours, it could be a coma, though we're not sure whether it's the kind you wake up from".

TS tried to return, and upon failing, she left.

I squeezed my eyes close. _Please, please let him be okay._

I looked around and saw my clothes sitting on a chair nearby. Slowly, I reached around my bed and pulled out the plug of the beepy thing. I took the round things off my chest, and also the IV. I tried to sit up, but as soon as I put my weight on my hands, pain shot through my fingers straight to my head.

 _"Fuck!"_

I had to be more careful. I tried again. This time, I was slower, and made sure my head was kept steady.

 _"Yes"._ I got out, dressed quickly, hobbled to the door and poked my head out. It was quiet, except for the occassional doctor or nurse passing by, who didn't seem to notice me at all.

I grabbed a surgical mask from the room and headed out. I took me less than 2 seconds to realize that I had no idea where to go.

It can't be too far. Our manager would've made sure we all stayed close.

I looked left and right alternatively.

 ** _Stewart, Roberts, Fogle, Alarian, Cassiopia_**

God, the choices people make these days.

 ** _Dexter, Smith, Horan_**

Familiarity. Finally.

I poke my head in as quietly as possible. It is by sheer will power that I hold back my surprised cry.

Niall. Liam. Kissing.

On that ridiculously small bed, with Niall's bandaged foot dangling from a pole.

They seem lost in their own world, muttering incoherently between feverish kisses. I had a strong urge to yell 'I TOLD YOU SO!', but I didn't. I receeded back into the hallway and hobbled on.

 ** _Yang, Grey, Shepeard, Malik_**

I was cautious this time. A quick peek through the small square of glass confirmed my suspision. Perrie was there, fussing over the poor boy, who seemed to keep reassuring her that he was fine.

I smiled at the sweetness of the scenes I had witnessed.

But that was not what I set out for.

 ** _Avery, Holishan, Levitt, Tomlinson_**

I froze instantly. This was it. I closed my eyes briefly, summoning my courage and my couldn't-care-less facade.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door.

He was asleep, just like TS said. I was just glad to see him breathing.

I moved closer to the bed, so close that I could hear him breathing. His face was pale, and plastered with tubes that fed him & helped him breathe. His right hand was on top of the blanket, an IV biting into his elbow crease.

I could feel the sting in my eyes as my stupidity the previous night hit me hard.

 _"Why were you touching me?!"_

 _"You had a bloody fever. I was just trying to break it"._

He must've been with me for hours, trying to make me feel better.

 _Oh, what I wouldn't give to see those blue windows right now._

"Louis?", I whispered, "Louis, don't you dare leave me like this, when I haven't even told you..."

Sobs took over me as I flopped down on the chair beside his bed, taking his small hand in mine and bringing it to my lips.

All I wanted to do was squeeze in beside him in that small, small bed.

 _Shut the door_

 _Turn the light off_

 _I wanna be with you_

 _I wanna feel your love_

 _I wanna lay beside you_

 _I cannot hide this_

 _Even though I try..._


	4. 18

**A.N. I think my last chapter was sort of a flop, so I am trying to redeem myself with this. Sorry! Tell me if this is good/bad**

L.T. POV

 _"Louis, don't you dare leave me like this, when I haven't even told you..."_

Told me what?

Why can't I move my hand?

Is he holding my hand?

I mean, I can feel my hand being held, but why can't I move it?

Why can I see only black?

My hand is moved again, towards somthing small and soft. _Harry's lips._

But something is wrong...I feel drops of liquid, pattering onto my hand.

Why can't I open my eyes?

 _"Please, wake up! I'll never be rude to you again..I promise! Y..you have no idea how bad it felt to yell at you..But..but it's so hard, Louis! It is so hard to be around you!"_

 _*Sobbing*_

It's hard to be around you too, love. Especially now, if this is not some sort of dream.

 _My head feels so heavy..._

Three and a half years ago

*Doorbell chimes*

"Just a minute!"

I was making dinner for the first time, or at least trying to. Eleanor was supposed to come over about ten minutes ago, and I was just about to resort to taking her out, when the doorbell rang.

I rushed to the door, an apology on the tip of my tongue, but when I opened the door, all I could do was stare.

I had to at least pretend to be angry. How else was I gonna get him out of here before my emotions take over?

"What the hell do you think you're doing? I think I made it clear, I don't want to see you again".

The hurt on his face was clear. It had been only six months, after all. He looked down, seeming unsure of what to say.

"I, um, I just wanted to know whether I can join you for dinner tonight. I know you hate me and all, but I just can't seem to help it. I was feeling lonely, and of all the people I could go to, my mind always seem to choose you".

My heart melted. It took every ounce of self control I had to restrain myself from taking him in my arms and holding him tight.

"I have no idea why you're acting like this. You could've gone to any of our mate's. But seeing as you're here already, you can join me".

I turned to go back in, biting my lip to stop the tears threatening to fall. As I approached the kitchen, the dilemma I was facing before came rushing back to me: _I didn't actually cook any food!_

Oh my god. I can't just send Harry back now...and..oh, shit. Eleanor. I glanced at the clock above the pantry. Why was she so late anyway? I pulled out my phone and dialled her number, making sure I was out of Harry's earshot. That boy had suffered enough already. I didn't need him worrying about replacing my apparent gf for dinner.

"Hello?"

"Hey, El, it's me. I think I'm coming down with something, and it's bad. Can we do this another night?"

"Er...do what?"

"Dinner? You...said you'd come over today, right?"

"That was today? Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Louis, but it wasn't on the list for today, and so, I won't get paid for that, and you know how I feel about these things..."

 _Could she not at least pretend?!_

"No, no I get it. It's okay. Bye".

"Bye".

I thanked myself for not preparing the food.

"Hey..can I help you with anything?" Harry had wondered into the kitchen, being careful not to hold eye contact for long. His expression told me he had not heard the phone call.

"Well, I was kinda having a problem with dinner, actually. I was gonna make dinner for...fun", I laughed nervously, "And then I realized I didn't know how to cook. You know, 'cause.."

He nodded.

'Cause he was the one who did all the cooking before.

"Okay, did you have anything on mind?"

"I was thinking somthing along the lines of chicken and mash potatoes..."

We spent half the night getting the food prepared. Harry was trying to teach me things, but I kept messing up. It was much more interesting to watch him do it, his long, delicate fingers working through the ingrediants, measuring out seasonings with a single glance. We put the chicken in the oven, and waited for the timer.

I savoured every moment of the time we spent in my kitchen that night. Subtle glances, a soft brush of hands while trying to reach something. I needed to remember every detail, to get through the rest of my days with that girl.

I clutched the counter tightly trying to control the anger that hit me as I contemplated these things. I didn't notice Harry observing me until he said, "Hey, are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm okay".

He was looking at me with such softness in his eyes. I started to list the pros and cons.

 _Nobody is around right now. They are so far away._

That was all I could come up with.

I slipped off the counter and walked towards him.

"What are you-?"

"Shh, be quiet", I closed in on him, and slowly took his face in mine. I could feel him shiver at my touch, his eyes showing a thousand emotions at once: confusion, happiness, fear,..

Those emerald eyes were looking at me questioningly as I lowered my lips onto his, savouring the moment they touched. The familiar feeling of unconditional love coursed through my veins, and I couldn't control myself. I kissed him hard, letting all my emotions pour into it, and letting my heart get its fill of Harry Styles that it was deprived of for six months.

I broke away, leaning my forhead against his, letting my eyes stay closed.

"Promise me something?"

"What?", he whispered, sounding ready to bear the weight of the entire world.

"Promise me, that whatever happens", I took a shaky breath, "you'll keep it in your mind that I love you".

I opened my eyes slowly, to find him staring at me in disbelief.

"You..what?"

"You want me to repeat it again?"

He nodded, eyes wide with fear that my response will not be what he expected.

I smiled slightly.

"I love you, Hazza", my voice was a low whisper, "I always have before you even knew me properly, and I want you to promise me that you won't forget that, no matter what happens".

His hand came up to my face, stroking my cheek softly. My eyes fluttered close, my skin prickling with electricity at his touch.

He moved closer so our lips were only an inch apart.

I could taste his sweet breath as he whispered, "I love you too, Lou. And believe me, I will never, ever forget what you just said. I've been waiting to hear it for so long".

I smiled as his lips covered mine, and we travelled to our own world, lips moving to rhythm, the kiss deepening with every passing moment.

'DING!'

"The oven!", we said at once, then broke down in a fit of giggles. I was still high when we had dinner, which turned out to be okay, considering I was the one cooking most of it.

"I am actually impressed Lou, you're a fast learner".

"I had the best teacher, didn't I?" A beautiful smile lit up his face, and I tucked that image away safely with all other sweet memories featuring the love of my life. I was smiling and laughing all the way through our dinner of _chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in parma ham with home made mash potatoes._

 _I have loved you since we were 18..._

 _Long before we both thought the same thing.._

 _To be loved and to be in love.._


	5. Strong

H.S. POV

Hospital food tasted like crap. I was glad to go home the next day. I hadn't slept properly in days, worrying about Louis and the last show of the tour, rescheduled for next month. Everything in my life right now was a complete mess. I had promised myself to avoid any situation that could end up in me getting hurt again. But I couldn't seem to help it.

As time passed by, the doctors confirmed that Lou was in a coma. I didn't know whether he could hear me or not, but I went to him everyday, talking to him, praying for him to wake up.

I took his hand in mine for the millionth time that day, tracing the soft lines on his palm as tears threatened to fall yet again.

Three years ago

It was since six months since I had dinner with Louis. We couldn't habg out together much, but I didn't care, because I remembered his sweet promise with crystal clarity.

 _I love you, Hazza_

The mere recollection of the words sent shivers through me. I had fallen for him fast, even though I knew he was with Eleanor right now. I figured management had a say in whom he had to date, so I didn't mind. Much. But it was hard to see him go places with her, while I stayed behind in his apartment, texting him through the 'dates'. It was hard to see their pictures posted all over the place, to see fans shipping 'Elounor'. But I put up with it, for a while, grateful for the existence of 'Larry' shippers.

When I couldn't take it, I locked myself in his bathroom and forced my body to feel a different kind of pain, the blood trickling along my arms temporarily blocking out my pained heart.

But this one day, Louis was home early, and I knew I was in trouble.

I heard his key turn in the door just as I was in the middle of quite a deep cut. I froze, the blade digging into my skin. He let himself in, locked the door behind him, and was walking towards his room, whose bathroom I was in.

"Haz? You have to hear about this thing that happened today..."

I closed my eyes for a second and calmed down. As soon as they were open, I worked silently and fast, putting everything back in order, wiping the blood off the sink and flushing everything down the toilet. I pulled my sleeve over my arm and opened the door, smiling confidently, and stepped into the room.

Lou immediately wrapped me in his arms, hugging me tight.

"I missed you so much, baby. It's torture to be out without you.."

His voice trailed off as his lips came down on mine, soft and sweet. His hands moved up to my face, then slowly made their way down my neck, my shoulders, my arms...I flinched in pain as his fingers brushed the fresh cuts. He noticed immediately.

Breaking away, he looked up at me, worry written all over his face.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing, just been missing you, that's all"

He smiled. "Me too", he said, squeezing my arm lightly.

Fireworks of pain exploded in my arms and I jerked my hand away on instinct. Instantly, I knew I was done for. I couldn't even imagine how to begin answering his questions. I could already see in my mind the hurt on his face, his disgust as I showed him my scars...but it never happend.

He looked at me questioningly, visibly unsure of how to proceed. He reached for my wrist, then looked to me for permission. I nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

He took my hand in one of his, and with the other, gently pushed up the sleeve of my sweater.

A faint gasp escaped his lips, and I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me like a wave.

He led me to his bed, and sat me down. "Don't move".

I could hear him rustling around the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards, and finally running back to the room with a small plastic box that said 'First Aid'.

I sat there silently, as Louis cleaned and dressed my wounds, pausing only to ask if it hurt. I could feel his tears falling onto my hand once in a while, and my stomach clenched at the pain I've caused him.

After he finished, a single word escaped his lips, his eyes searching mine for an answer.

"Why?"

I took a deep breath and let the words flow, hoping they made some kind of sense.

"I just..It hurt so bad, sometimes. Being here, knowing that you were with someone else, your hand held by someone that's not me. When you're with me, I feel strong, safe, and loved. But when you leave, it's like you take the better part of me with you...you leave me in this dark, dark place that's filled with hurt...The sight of my blood always brought me back to reality. It seemed like a small price to pay for sanity when you're gone. You're my source of strength, Lou. Without you, I'm nothing..."

I broke down, my head dropping into my hands. I could feel his small arms wind wround me, holding me tight, anchoring my heart to his. He whispered in my ear as I tried to calm down.

"You know what? I depend on you for strength too. You are my rock, the one I always look forward to come back to after crappy days with girls. I carry around a part of you, it's true, but I leave a part of me with you as well..You just have to focus on it...Ignore the voices telling you otherwise. There's nothing to run from, baby. I love you, and you are my entire world. So please, love, I'm begging you, please, don't ever do this to yourself again, okay? I love you for who you are, and you don't have a dark place inside you. You are full of warmth and sunshine. And if you ever feel this way again, don't hesitate to call me okay?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to cause trouble..." He cut me off.

"You're not trouble. If anyone thinks you are, I'll take care of them".

My heart swelled with emotion, and it took all my energy not to start crying again.

I nodded, folding into his open arms. He took my damaged arm and kissed it gently, before bringing his lips to mine.

 _I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_

 _But I don't care,_

 _I'm not scared of love._

 _'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker._

 _Is that so wrong?_

 _Is it so wrong_

 _That you make me strong?_


	6. Through the Dark

**A.N. I love my small group of faithful readers. You guys are awesome & totally make my day :)**

 **Just to clear any doubts that might arise, this whole chapter takes place three years ago.**

Three Years Ago

L.T. POV

I was fuming. I hated them all, every single person who forced me to be away from my love, causing him enough pain to hurt himself. I didn't want to send him home tonight, and he agreed after quite a while of trying to convince me that he was fine and could go home alone.

It was nearly midnight, but I didn't care. I pulled out my phone and dialled Satan's hotline.

"Hey, Louis, can't sleep?"

"No, Simon, I can't sleep, because Harry Styles is sleeping on my bed with a hundred and fifty cuts on his arms, most of which are new".

Silence. I continued.

"I'm done. I'm done dating Eleanor. I just want my life back, Simon, and Harry does too. He's suffering because he's forced to see me with someone I clearly don't want to be with, and he is drowning in loneliness".

I heard a lot of throat clearing as he tried to come up with a response.

"Um..Harry is lonely, you say?"

"Uh, yeah, because I'm with Eleanor and can't spend time with him"

"And you don't want to be with your, um, girlfriend anymore?"

I clenched my fists at the stupidity of this conversation.

"No. I do not want to be with my, um, girlfriend".

"Okay. Inform her, then. I'll take care of the rest. Go back to sleep. Be careful when you send Harry home. Don't want any rumours".

He hung up.

Well, that was quick. I fully expected for him to put up a fight. I couldn't help but feel something was off. But most of my problems were gone now, so I didn't think about it much.

I dialled another number, and was greeted by voice mail.

 _"Hey this is Eleanor, if you're hearing this, I'm not available or I'm ignoring you. If it's the latter, please hang up. If not, leave a message after the beep.."_

"Hey Eleanor, it's me. I spoke to Simon, and I'm breaking up with you. Bye. Have a nice life".

...

I walked back to my room, where Harry lay curled up, his bandaged left arm sticking out. I couldn't imagine the amount of pain he was in because of me. He looked so small right now, like a child, innocence radiating with every rise and fall of his body.

I padded towards my closet, quickly changed into my pyjamas and slowly slipped beneath the covers. Harry was facing outward, so I carefully wrapped my arm around him, and pulled him against me, his back against my chest. I closed my eyes and revelled in the fact that we were finally together, without other people to interfere.

Harry stirred beside me.

He yawned, and turned to face me.

"Is it morning already? Why are you up?"

"It's just past midnight. And I...well, I have some news for you."

He smiled sleepily. "Really, what?", he mumbled, eyes fluttering close.

I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I broke up with Eleanor"

His eyes shot open. "You did?"

I nodded, stroking his confused face. A small smile formed on his lips, "Oh, Louis, did you just go against management for me?"

I pulled him closer and planted a kiss to his forehead.

"I would do anything for you, love".

His smile turned cheeky as he climbed on top of me. I suddenly wished the layers of cloth between us would disappear.

He leaned in and kissed me softly, which quickly escalated as the fire burning within us took over. Somewhere in between, I flipped over, so he was trapped beneath me.

He chuckled lightly, the noise reverberating through his body to mine. "I forgot" he paused, leaning up to kiss me, _"Louis tops"_

I smiled against his lips, as the night continued, until I couldn't tell where my body ended and his began.

H.S. POV

 _The next morning_

My thoughts were a blur as I faintly heard Louis calling my name.

 _"Harry?"_

I was so sleepy. _Just another minute.._

 _"Harry?"_

 _Is the house on fire?_

 _"Hazza?"_

I sat up, and heard his voice floating from the kitchen. "Hey, come on, get up and help me, 'cause I have no idea how to cook breakfast!".

I laughed. "Sure. I'll be there in a minute".

Streching and yawning, I was just starting to wonder why I was feeling so sore, when I recollected the night before.

 _He was on top of me, and the make-out turned to something more, as our clothes were undone by one another and new territory was explored for the first time. I was scared, being a virgin of all kinds. He knew this, and fully understood, because so was he._

 _"Are you sure about this, Haz? I can feel you trembling"_

 _I swallowed and nodded. This was Louis. This was the person I would go through hell for. He wouldn't hurt me._

 _"Yeah, I'm sure"_

My spine tingled with excitement just thinking about it. I have no idea how he managed to be careful of my arm all night, because I could barely form a coherent thought now, let alone while we were having sex.

I got off the bed, dressed and padded towards the kitchen to find Louis running around in a hurry, trying to make breakfast, and by the smell, failing spectacularly.

He was at the stove, trying too late to save some strips of bacon. He gave up, and turned off the stove, sighing, his fingers moving to his temples.

I walked upto him and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He was so small, I could almost wrap my arms all the way around his middle.

"Good morning, sunshine"

He leaned back into me, resting his head on my shoulder, face turned towards mine.

"Morning"

I held him tighter against me, as he whispered in my ear, "I had fun last night"

I could feel heat creeping up my neck.

"Yeah, me too. Now, what can we do about that breakfast?"

He laughed and wriggled out of my arms. "First tell me, how's your arm now?"

I hadn't even thought about it.

"It's fine. I think I can take the bandages off. I'll do it right after we finish".

He smiled suggestively, his voice coming out as a low purr, "Finish what?"

I shook my head, laughing at his act.

"Breakfast. Finish making breakfast".

 _A few months later_

L.T. POV

I was at home, getting ready to head over to the studio for a recording. I hadn't been able to be with Harry in a while, since we were both busy with the new album. I thought, and was scared too, that our relationship would get boring after a while, not being able to spend much time together, or go out together.

But I found out, it was the best kind.

The butterflies in my stomach if he moved closer to me when we were on stage.

The emotions that awkened within me at his lyric changes, _"I'm in love with Lou, and all his little things"_

The rush of fear at the risk I take as I answer with _"I have loved him since we were 18"_

All these things brought us closer together.

With every glance, with every song written down thinking of him, I felt my attachment to him grow, even though it was physically impossible to be together most of the time.

On my way to the studio, Paul, our tour manager called me.

"Hey, Louis, are you on your way?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few". I was about to hang up when he said, "Can you pull over for a minute, I have something to say before you get here".

I felt really uneasy, because whatever this was, it couldn't be good.

I told the driver to pull over, and turned my attention back to the call.

"Okay. What is it?"

"Well, I'm just a messenger, really, and I have nothing to do with this..."

"Would you just tell me what it is?"

"No, wait, I just...I know how you feel, and I want you to know that I'm on your side, but there are a lot of others on the board who outnumber me, so I really am not in a position to do anything".

I felt my heart soften. I knew Paul was a good guy, but I never realized he cared so much about my feelings. But still, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Okay..so what is it?"

He sighed, and let me know the worst possible thing I could've heard that day.

"Harry was set up with Taylor Swift"

I almost dropped my phone. "What?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I think Simon got the idea he was lonely or something...and after you 'broke up' with El, he called and asked Taylor if she was up for the job. She agreed yesterday, saying she needed some money to buy accessories for her dog, or something".

I just sat there, unable to utter a single word. Simon's words from that night echoed through my mind.

 _I'll take care of the rest.._

It felt like some kind of cruel joke. But the voice on the other end of the line informed me it's not. This was insane. I had agreed to their crap about not being seen together AND to dating Eleanor.

Now this? What were they trying to prove? That they will always be in charge of our lives?

"Louis? Are you still there?"

I felt my fists clench, and I pounded the seat in front of me.

"Yeah, I's still here".

"Um..well, I was also told to tell you that...Taylor will be there at the recording today..photo op, you know? So, you're supposed to appear as far away as possible from Harry, okay?"

After 30 seconds of no response from me, he sighed and hung up.

 _A few more months later_

H.S. POV

I had just come home after having lunch with Taylor. I was getting sick of the routine: Set a date, hire paparazzi, go on said date and pretend to have fun.

I missed Louis like hell. We couldn't spend much time together, but I was at his place when ever possible. I wondered if Louis felt so miserable when he was with Eleanor. I wondered if Eleanor had chased him out of her apartment right after lunch, saying she had to go get ready, though she wouldn't say for what.

I tried calling Louis, but kept getting his voice mail. I gave up after a while and decided to take a nap, planning to go over to Lou's at night.

L.T. POV

The music was blaring throught the enormous speakers, bodies gyrating to the fairly tasteful dance music. I sat at the bar of a random exclusive club, wondering what happened during the 'Haylor' lunch date.

Did they talk and laugh their way through the meal? Did she accidently brush her knees against his under the table? Did they make out..?

My thoughts drowned out the world in a way alcohol never could. And I almost missed it, if not for the familiar witchy laugh that carried across the bar. I turned my head towards it, fearing that Harry would be with her.

But, my fears subsided as anger took over. I looked on as she leaned towards a stranger who seemed at least twice her age, teasing him with her lips. All rational thoughts left me as I stormed over to the happy couple.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She broke away from the salivating man. "Well hello, Louis. It's nice to..." Her scream caused a few heads to turn, but the music was too loud for most to hear.

I looked at her bewildered expression as she tried to wipe off her drink, which was now staining her dress, courtesy of yours truly.

"That's what you get for cheating on my boyfriend!"

I resisted the urge to squash her to little pieces and walked away.

I got back to my apartment to find Harry inside, sleeping on the couch. I checked my watch and saw that I had been gone for more than 7 hours. How long has he been here?

I walked over to him, and gently stroked his curls, careful not to wake him up.

As my fingers moved to stroke his cheek, a strange feeling pulled at my mind.

Were we ever gonna have a proper relationship, or will our lives forever be controlled by this small group of powerful people? _Was he worth fighting for?_

One look at the emerald eyes that were now fluttering open gave me the answer.

 _Oh I will carry you over fire and water for your love_

 _And I will hold you closer_

 _Hope your heart is strong enough_

 _When the night is coming down on you_

 _We will find a way through the dark_


	7. Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

**A.N. I think I'm gonna end this within the next few chapters...**

Present Day

It was a day of joy and chaos. Reporters and fans swarmed at the entrance of the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, eager to get their hands on any update on the condition of the pop star that had woken up the night before from a five-day coma. Several hooded figures, of which two were in wheelchairs, accompanied by a couple of well-muscled men were spotted leaving the premises while the doctor was facing the media just outside the front entrance.

L. 

_A few hours ago_

The world was fuzzy around the edges as I observed everyone fussing around me. Niall was sitting on one side of my bed, leg propped up on a chair, while Liam was running around with Zayn, making arrangements with doctors to take me home later. My mom and sisters were crying and hugging while dad tried to hide his tears. One figure stood out from the rest, leaning against the door, hands in his pockets, observing me with a slight smile on his face.

Just then, Paul called everyone out for a quick huddle about facing the media. Nobody said a word when they realized that Harry didn't make a move from where he was standing. After everyone left, he walked towards me.

"Hey, you", I smiled up at him.

"Hey" His expression was unreadable. Maybe he was thinking of the same thing I was.

 _Why the hell were you touching me?_

Though the details were blurry, the rest of that night was fresh in my mind.

He sat on my bed, and instinctively, I reached for his hand, realizing too late that I don't know what his reaction will be. I must've looked very upset, because a moment later he was crushing me into him, his lips in my hair. I buried myself in his chest, wrapping my arms around him the best I could with the bunch of wires and tubes holding me back.

I could feel his tears dripping onto my neck through my hair. I pulled back, resting my forehead against his. "Shh, it's alright..I'm okay now..."

I reached up and ran my thumb over his tear-stained cheeks. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I hate my life", he whispered.

I chuckled darkly. "I think I'm the one who should say that". He didn't seem to hear me as he continued.

"Why is this happening to me, Louis?"

"What, baby?"

"All I ever did was love you. And immediately after, we are forced to be apart and date other people, and then you cheat on me..."

I stiffened. He doesn't notice.

"...and then I'm forced to watch you lie lifeless for a week. I just..I don't even know what I'm supposed to do right now".

The silence that followed was very uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke again.

"I need some time to think", He nodded towards the door "Tell them not to look for me, okay?"

I nodded, "Okay".

I stay still as he pulls me into him again, whispering in my ear, "Take care". He pulls back and kisses my forehead before he leaves without looking back.

I cheated on him? As far as I know, we both cheated on each other. I was angry. How could he blame me after what he did?

Three Months Ago

L.T. POV

It's our three year anniversary tomorrow. It's not like we were a couple since the day he kissed me, but we chose that day to start counting anyway, since we could've been together, if not for _external influences._

I was trying to come up with the perfect gift, going undercover and sifting through stores. But a few stores later, it hit me that the perfect gift for Harry was not for sale.

It had to be made.

I ducked into the nearest bookstore, bought a journal & a new fountain pen, and drove to my favourite café to get started.

The journal had a brown leather cover that went all the way around it and came up front to be tied with a leather cord. Opening it, I started writing.

The bottom right corner of the first page I decorated with his beautiful name in my best script.

 _Harry Edward Styles_

Turning the page, I realized that I had zero experience in writing this kind of stuff. I took a deep breath and prayed for the right words to flow.

 _My world spins_

 _around you, my love,_

 _Every breath I take_

 _is with you in my heart._

 _To me you are like_

 _the rising sun;_

 _glorious, yet soft_

 _as it falls upon dew-covered grass._

 _With you_

 _It is not_

 _lust nor infatuation;_

 _It is true, pure love_

 _that seeps out of my soul_

 _when I see you._

 _This small gift comes_

 _with a great promise_

 _of infinite beautiful memories_

 _to be made_

 _in the years to come.._

 _Love,_

 _Louis x_

I lifted my pen off the page, surprised. I guess emotions are the best inspiration.

"Ahem"

I looked up, startled. It was the waitress, Melissa. She was a very nice lady who used to work in the bakery Harry used to work for.

"Hello, dear. You seemed pretty absorbed in your writing. Are you working on a song?"

I laughed. "No, it's just something I'm hoping to give to someone"

"Does that someone have green eyes and curly hair?" she asked with a knowing smile. She knew me too well.

I must've turned a million shades of red 'because she started laughing out loud.

"Well honey, if it's so, that someone came here and told he was headed towards town 'bout a half hour ago. Oh, and I think I remember him asking about good jewelry stores there. If you leave now, you might be able to catch him".

Jewelry stores? That was weird. And I thought he was home today. He doesn't really like to go out much because the paps stress him out.

He must've had some sort of errand to run. Oh well.

I nodded with a smile, and got up to leave.

I was walking around, my hoodie and shades providing me just enough cover, looking into the few jewelry stores that matched Harry's taste. I was just about to think that he had gone home when I suddenly caught sight of familiar brown curls.

I stopped for a while there, just admiring the way he looks from afar. He was almost glowing, talking to a salesman, looking at a display case, smiling beautifully.

He was pointing to something, and waved over someone to his right.

I froze.

I wished and wished and wished for it to be a dream as I watched Kendall Jenner appear by his side and cling onto his arm.

He had been hanging out with her for a while, and it all seemed so innocent, with just a few texts and calls here and there. It was definitely not management, 'cause Paul would've warned me. Was Harry hiding something?

She looked at the display case he was pointing to, and started jumping up and down, laughing and clapping. He just stood there grinning, as she went on to throw her arms around him and kiss his cheek, then rest her head on his shoulder.

I could feel my throat closing up, but I had no time to react because they were headed towards the door, right next to where I was standing. I quickly went into the next store and headed straight for the men's room.

When I looked in the mirror, it was as if my reflection was laughing at me. I had trusted this boy completely, with all my heart, loved him with my whole being. How could he do this to me? I mean, I knew he was still a bit confused about his sexuality, whether he was bisexual or not, but he could've talked to me without experimenting on his own! I would've helped him!

I couldn't take it anymore. How could he do this? And on the day of our anniversary?

It was just too much.

She picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Louis. Long time no see. How are things? You ready to finally say that you want me?"

I gritted my teeth. She was like this since the day we met at a fashion show. She does not seem to understand the concept of being gay. But I put up with it just this once, 'cause she was one of the few people I could talk to without being judged.

"Actually, I was hoping that we could meet up. You know, catch up on the last couple years?"

"Ohhhh my GOD! Are you serious? I'll be there at your place in five"

Okay, that was quick.

She was there about 30 seconds after I closed the door behind me.

"Looouuuuu!" She rushed inside and enveloped me in a big hug, kissing both my cheeks. She was wearing a very short dress, with a low neckline that I figured was supposed to be sexy.

"Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about…"

I never got to finish. She started kissing me like crazy, slipping her hands under my shirt, and slowly making her way downward. Her mouth started to follow the same direction, grazing my jaw, my neck, nipping at my collarbone.

It was horrifyingly uncomfortable to see her, but my mind's eye quickly replaced her face with Harry's. The Harry that I fell in love with. The Harry I lost today.

I closed my eyes and succumbed to the kisses that I imagined to be from my love, replying with equal passion.

She pushed me towards the sofa, and before I knew it, she was unbuttoning my jeans and guiding me inside her.

"Oh, baby, you are so hard! And it's all for me…"

If only she knew.

My ears hardly registered the soft creak, and by the time I realized what it was, it was too late.

"What the hell?!"

I pushed her off me, pulling my jeans up.

She dusted herself off, "Oh-oh…I guess I'd better leave…" She headed out, nodding to Harry on the way out like the shameless whore she was.

"Hello to you too, Brianna", Harry's fists clenched with the last word. She fled down the hall, banging the door shut.

He nodded to me. "And hello to you, Louis. Been busy on our anniversary?"

I was trying hard to keep my cool. To show that I no longer cared. Which was getting harder by the minute. I was going to have to finish this fast.

"Well, yeah. Did you enjoy your little spontaneous date?"

"What date?"

"Oh, you don't know? Then I must've confused you with someone else out there"

"Where, you idiot?! I didn't go on a date!"

"I don't know, you looked very comfortable with Kendall out there.."

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, now you remember?"

"It was not a date Louis!"

"Sure, it wasn't. And I didn't sleep with Brianna just now"

"You slept with her because you thought I went on a date with Kendall?"

"Well, I didn't exactly plan on screwing her, but who knows what happens when you get it going with girls? You should know Harry, even you weren't able to resist the kiss of a girl"

He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "You fucking idiot", he whispered, his voice cracking.

His fists clenched, and in a split second he snatched the nearest vase and flung it against the wall.

His booming voice was louder than the crash.

"You fucking idiot!"

He looked at me with such hurt in his eyes that I almost forgave him. But I held my ground. He was not the only one who got hurt today.

He turned and walked out of my apartment, and never came back.

It was then that I caught sight of the wrapped parcel I had kept behind the vase that now , lay shattered in a million pieces.

I slid to the ground, the enormity of what I'd done crashing down on me in a huge wave of anger and tears. We could've sorted things out. But it was too late. I had taken my revenge way too early.

The damage was done, the hearts were broken.

 _Counted all my mistakes and there's only one_

 _Standing out from the list of the things I've done_

 _All the rest of my crimes don't come close_

 _To the look on your face when I let you go…._


End file.
